Coming out of abuse was to come into my life

Abuse, for me, had long since been a revolving door – out and in and in and out. However, getting out of the abuse didn’t mean the abuse came out of me (right away). There was, and is, a legitimate need to rediscover myself and transform into someone I’d never been before. Another revolving door of becoming me, becoming free.

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When someone leaves a painful past
Be gentle to the parts of them that carry the past with them
The parts that can’t settle because resting was never safe
The parts that don’t trust the freedom yet
The parts that only know how to function in pain
The parts that recreate trauma in attempts to continue being needed
The parts that don’t know how to do anything other than stay alive
The parts that will jump off a cliff just to revive the muscles needed to climb back up again
The parts that function best in adrenalin and suffer worst in silence
The parts that feel like they are dying when they aren’t in use
Be gentle to the confusion
They are trying their best with all they know
New parts are being born a day at a time
An hour at a time
They are redefining what it looks like to be alive
The parts that are strongest will weaken as time passes
They will hate it and start to hate themselves
They will hate the parts that are moving on
They will mourn the control they once had
Those parts will fight to get it back
Let them fail

Let them flail
Give them time
To sit in the discomfort of silence
To become undone
To grow up all over again
To come into the present
To want a different future
Be gentle with those parts
Be gentle with them
Be gentle with me
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I’m talking to myself…
_{(and to you)}